Siobhan Swart

Angelique was the youngest of three siblings. Her sister Rosemary had been murdered in a case that received a lot of media attention in South Africa, and the family had already been through an enormous amount of trauma over many years.

I saw Angelique at Rosemary’s funeral and afterwards she asked me to go back to her house with her so that we could sit and chat, but I didn’t go. I told myself I had to get back to work......

A few days later, I heard that Angelique had taken her own life.

I was filled with so much regret and wished more than anything that I could go back to that afternoon and make a different decision. I kept thinking about the fact that she had actually asked me to go with her and I had said no, and I wondered over and over again whether sitting with her and having that chat might have helped.

Would it have changed what happened? I will never know, and that is probably the hardest part.

The truth is, work felt important, but looking back now I realise that employees are easily replaced, our positions in companies aren't all that... and if I had not gone back that afternoon it probably would not have made much of a difference to anyone at all. 

I don’t say that because I believe one conversation can always prevent someone from taking their own life, because I know it is far more complicated than that, and I would never want someone who has lost a person to suicide to believe they should have somehow known or been able to stop it.

But that experience made me realise how easy it is to get caught up in what feels urgent in the moment, when sometimes the person standing right in front of us may need our time far more than anything waiting at work or on our phones.

And often people don’t need advice or answers. Sometimes they just need someone to sit with them and listen.

This October I am walking 100 km with Apollo to raise money for Samaritans because their work is all about being there for people who need someone to talk to, particularly at times when they may feel completely alone.

I can’t go back and have that conversation with Angelique, and I will always wish that I had gone with her that afternoon, but I can learn from that day....

I can make more time for people. I can listen more. I can make a difference to people around me who are struggling now!