I would not still be here without Samaritans.
I've used the Samaritans a good few times in my life. Following some personal tragedies in my childhood, I have struggled with suicidal ideation many times. Often in my bleakest moments I have turned to Samaritans for comfort. I would have died by suicide about a decade ago, had I not had access to Samaritans when in crisis.
I'm taking on a 24-hour crafting challenge to support Samaritans' lifesaving work in Ireland & Northern Ireland, and their mission of fewer lives lost to suicide. I am indebted to Samaritans, and determined to do what I can to help keep their lines open to everyone who finds themselves in dark times and in need of light.
All funds raised here will support Samaritans' branches across the island of Ireland to help them be there for everyone who needs them, 24/7.
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My Updates
Who Am I? - Part One - January 2025
Thursday 3rd Jul
My name, "Laoċín", comes from two Gaelic (Irish) words.
Laoċ (the original spelling of laoch) - meaning warrior or hero.
Ín - meaning little, for humility, cadence, and a joke about my height.
Originally, I created my name in about June 2019 and at that time I aligned with the warrior definition most. I have CPTSD, something I didn't fully realise, or at least acknowledge, at the time. I felt a rare sense of pride in myself for recognising that I'd been through a lot. At that time, it was a testament to my resilience, and, to an extent it still is a reminder of my strength.
On September 17th, 2019, I first introduced myself as “Laoċín (he/him)” to a group of strangers in a Creative Writing for Wellbeing Workshop at Big Smoke Writing Factory. I felt vulnerable and emotional. I still appreciate the gentle acceptance of Claire Hennessy and Simon Forsyth who were giving the workshop and of the other attendees. I learned much about myself from the experience, and I still have many of my writings from that day in my memory box.
I read a quote sometime later. To paraphrase it: "we all have an urge to save the world inside us, but it's okay if we only save one person; even if that one person is ourselves". This shifted my idea to being less about being a warrior and enduring but being more about protection and hope of being my own hero.
Gradually from January 2022 my relationship with my name changed further. I moved out of my family home, and into my friend's family home. Around the time of moving there I restarted therapy with my current therapist, Ellen. Overall, I made great progress while living there, and working in AHEAD, a national disability charity, but I still had a way to go.
Upon moving to Galway in Summer 2023, I begun to face myself head-on and come the realisation that I am more than both what I contribute to the workforce AND more than my relationship with and to other people.
I am, among other things:
- My diagnosises and queer labels
- My hobbies, joys and passions
- The Media I love: the inspiration of my favourite visual artists, aspects from the fictional characters I most admire, and the playlists I listen to on loop.
- The Media I create
- The Causes I Support
And, so, yes, I am a worker, a student and my relationships to other people. I am also my values, someone who dearly values integrity, compassion and imagination in myself and others. I am things that I cannot fit into the above headings (I am an idealist. I am a dreamer. I am a kind friend.) I like the idea of being a small force for good in the world; being intentional about practicing daily kindnesses - being a hero, in my own, mundane sense. Share
